Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
