There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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