It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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