I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
