it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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