Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
