Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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