Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
