YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
