why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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