Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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