you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
