Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
