I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
