I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
