Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
