I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
