Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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