this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
