i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
