your parents love me but you hate me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
