I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize