I don't usually arrange sex via text message
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.