you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
