He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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