Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
