I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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