we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
