The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
