i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
