My cat gives me a boner
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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