I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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