I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
