you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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