It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
