I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
