When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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