I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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