What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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