I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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