She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
