He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
