I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
