what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize