She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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