I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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