If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
