he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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