We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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