Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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