I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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