I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
