I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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