Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
