When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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