Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
