Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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