i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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