Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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