Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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