How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
