Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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