I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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