I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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