is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
