I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
